“Looking for some advice. I have two young children and have recently started to feel really sad – like crying all the time, not feeling joy anymore, feeling resentful of them and just generally being a misery guts. I’ve lost interest in eating, hobbies and seeing my friends and just want to go to bed most nights after the kids are asleep. My son is almost 18 months but hasn’t been a great sleeper and I’m wondering if this is what’s causing it. Is this normal with young kids and just what it’s like to be a parent?“
As a sleep consultant, I’ve worked with many parents who, like you, are feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally drained. It’s incredibly common for parents to experience a range of emotions when raising young children, but when those feelings start to affect your overall well-being—like causing sadness, irritability, and a lack of interest in the things you once enjoyed—it’s time to look deeper into what might be going on. And in many cases, the culprit is a lack of proper sleep.
You mentioned that your 18-month-old son has not been a great sleeper, and that might be contributing significantly to how you’re feeling. Let’s break it down and explore why sleep deprivation could be playing such a pivotal role in your current emotional and mental state.
The Hidden Impact of Sleep Deprivation
Sleep is not just a luxury—it’s a necessity for both physical and mental health. As a parent, you might be sacrificing your own rest to care for your little one, but the effects of poor sleep go far beyond simply feeling tired. When we don’t get enough sleep, it can cause a cascade of changes in our bodies and minds that can impact everything from mood regulation to cognitive function.
1. Emotional Regulation Takes a Hit
Sleep deprivation interferes with your brain’s ability to process emotions. A lack of quality rest makes it more difficult to handle stress and manage feelings of frustration or sadness. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed or even resentful when you’re exhausted because your emotional resilience is significantly lower. You may find yourself crying more often, losing patience with your children, and feeling like you’re not enjoying the things you used to.
2. Physical Health Declines
When you’re chronically sleep-deprived, your physical health can also take a hit. Sleep plays a crucial role in immune function, heart health, and brain function. If you’re not getting enough rest, it can lead to fatigue, decreased energy, and a lack of motivation to engage in activities you once enjoyed. This could explain why you’ve lost interest in hobbies, eating, and socialising.
3. The Vicious Cycle of Sleep and Mental Health
The relationship between sleep and mental health is cyclical. The more sleep-deprived you are, the more likely you are to experience mood swings and depression. This can create a negative feedback loop: the emotional distress leads to more difficulty falling or staying asleep, and the lack of sleep worsens the emotional distress. This cycle can be hard to break on your own, especially when you’re managing the responsibilities of caring for young children.
Is This Normal for Parents?
It’s true that parenting comes with its challenges, and young children, especially babies and toddlers, can have disrupted sleep patterns. But just because something is common doesn’t mean it should be accepted as normal. It’s not uncommon for parents to feel worn down, but that doesn’t mean you have to simply push through it. It’s important to recognise when your sleep deprivation is affecting your mental health, and to take steps to address it.
What Can You Do to Improve Your Situation?
It’s crucial to take action and give yourself the chance to recover. Here are a few strategies you might find helpful:
1. Create a Sleep Plan for Your Child: As a sleep consultant, I recommend implementing a consistent sleep routine for your child. It would be incredibly helpful to work on helping your son develop better sleep habits. This may involve creating a soothing bedtime routine, adjusting naps, or ensuring that your child’s sleep environment is conducive to restful sleep. The better your child sleeps, the more likely you are to get a solid night’s rest.
2. Prioritise Your Own Rest: Once your child’s sleep is improving, it’s essential that you prioritise your own rest. Take naps when possible, or ask for help from your partner or a trusted friend or family member so you can get a break and recharge.
3. Seek Support for Mental Health: If you’re noticing that feelings of sadness, resentment, or hopelessness persist, consider seeking support from a mental health professional. There’s no shame in asking for help, and sometimes a professional can guide you in understanding the root cause of these feelings.
4. Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Parenting is incredibly demanding, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. By acknowledging that your emotional well-being matters just as much as your child’s, you can take the first step in restoring balance to your life.
In Conclusion
Your feelings of sadness, irritability, and exhaustion are not something you have to accept as “just part of parenting.” Lack of sleep is a significant factor that could be contributing to your mental and emotional struggles. By addressing both your child’s sleep and your own, you can start to break the cycle and feel more like yourself again. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help from a sleep consultant or mental health professional—taking care of yourself benefits both you and your children in the long run.